Today I ‘have’ to go to Centrelink to talk to them about payments and why I did not complete ‘the required job seeking activity’ last week.
I feel a lot of resistance when I think about doing this. In my body I feel anxious. In my mind I hear, “I really don’t want to do that…” and then I ask “why?” and I hear no clear answer because of the anxiety (I assume).
Lately I have been pondering the question, “Why do I have so much trouble getting myself to do things that I know will benefit me?”
And then the spiritual intuitive in me replies (right now in fact), “The soul only propels you towards doing that which serves you. If it doesn’t serve you in this moment then it will not feel emotionally good to think about or do.”
But then the intellectual self queries, “But maybe I am just not doing it because of the anxiety which is a by-product of having generalised anxiety disorder.” But then, as a spiritual intuitive and an awakened being I know that there is no such thing as disorder…Anxiety is an emotion which is a reflection of the vibration that you are holding – the vibration of the thought you are currently thinking…
Perhaps I should try to change my focus and think about what could be good about going to Centrelink?
1. If I go and talk to them, I can explain what happened and then they will forward money to me (and continue to keep giving it to me).
I am now having the realisation that maybe I don’t want to go because it means they will tell me all about the things I have to do to look for work (in order for them to see that I am trying to get a job so they will keep giving me money) which are things I don’t want to do becauseee they will inevitably result in me getting a job. And I guess I don’t believe that a job I want is out there. I believe in the job I have as a healer. But I also believe in the lack of money associated with that – the lack of income flow. I don’t envision money coming towards me through that even though that is what I truly desire. Perhaps because I do not believe in myself.
Ah! So many epiphanies and core beliefs to get into and thought patterns to observe…
My back is a bit sore from sitting like this in bed. I will come back to this.
I will update as to whether I went to the government machine or not, too.