Anger Phobia

I realised I have ‘anger phobia’.

Being around or exposed to anger makes me extremely uncomfortable…and I suppose that’s usual because that’s an unpleasant environment for anyone BUT what I mean is, as soon as I see an inkling…I am ready to bail. For example, if I’m at a dinner and someone starts talking about some kind of political or ethical subject they are passionately against, I will straight away start to feel tense and start to feel knots in my stomach. I expect them to move into anger and get a bit crazy. I suppose we could call it a hypersensitivity to anger. Side Note: I know that this is partially due to growing up with a dad with a short temper. I will be reflecting upon that in the next few entries. But for right now… This is a separate, but intertwined issue that needs to be addressed at a later date and is not the main point tonight.

So, anyway.
The last little while I’ve been trying to make sure that I express my emotions and don’t just cover them up with excessive spiritual optimism (so I don’t have to feel them). This is not the best way of going about things, this is what causes energy blockages. It is best to fully express one’s emotions and only then reorient your focus to things that make you feel good.
So for me personally, the question seems to be…how can I be okay with feeling angry about something when I see it from the ‘higher perspective’ or ‘bigger picture’ outlook? What I mean is, say a friend just heard some bad news, I ask him something, friend snaps at me or says something rude, I will feel a wave of pain, but then think to myself, “he didn’t mean it, he is just already feeling upset, so he’s lashing out.” and move on as quickly as possible, turning my attention to something that feels emotionally good.

When something happens that causes me to feel anger, I always see the higher perspective of things amidst my waves of anger and frustration. So, because I see that, I then feel guilty and ridiculous that I’m angry. Another example: friend is late to seeing a movie, I feel angry, friend was late because of traffic, I realise it is legitimately not their fault they’re late. It was the traffic. So, I grumpily ignore the anger and we move on.

psyduck pokemon

If you know who this is, you sir, are awesome.

Seeing the higher perspective in this way is sometimes known as a form of spiritual bypassing. It’s important to feel one’s emotions and allow the personal ‘human’ side to express itself. It is important to remain ‘real’ and true to yourself and your feelings, your life.
But…I’m actually confused right now.

I seem to condemn and shame myself for feeling angry via this understanding of the bigger picture.
And I realise this is wrong. But it doesn’t make the validity of the bigger picture reasoning any less.
Being angry feels irrational and stupid in light of that.

My Question:

How do I reconcile this?

I am open to suggestions because I’m really struggling with this one.

 

To be continued…

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Hi Rebecca,

    Thank you so much for being authentic and writing your thoughts on this subject and also for sharing Teal’s awesome spiritual bypassing teaching <3. I can SO relate to your experiences. I am prone to all types of spiritual bypassing and naturally feel uncomfortable around the expression of anger. Instead of releasing and expressing, I have supressed the emotion of anger and this has caused it to compartmentalise in my body and manifest as physical pain.

    For a number of reasons I am sensitive to anger and I have been gifted with a partner who has no problem expressing his anger and feels comfortable with that state of being. Even though the anger being expressed in my presence is not personally directed at me, my sensitivity has made me feel like I was being hit with anger bullets and I have often winced in discomfort. Due to my discomfort, my natural instinct was to try and make it all better ASAP, to help him to close the gap from the negative emotion to the bigger picture-spiritual-unification-love perspective in record fast time. I thought my partner needed to learn how to see the bigger picture and not get so caught up in the drama. That may be true in some instances, BUT as is common, I didn’t realise it was ME that needed to learn to feel comfortable with, to validate, and to see the gift in facing and expressing these authentic emotions such as anger. As Teal Swan stated in her video, “jumping from a purely negative thought to a purely positive thought is not possible in the universe that we live in, it’s too far of a vibrational gap”. When we ask ourselves (or other people) to do this, it results in feelings of shame, powerlessness and that where we are is ‘not okay’.

    People like you and me who are very connected to this spiritual wider perspective, naturally see this more expansive perspective in everyday life, often simultaneously with our polarised human emotions. This is a wonderful gift and perspective that we share with the world. The problem occurs when we view this big picture understanding as being better than or more valid than our more focused-polarised-human emotions. It is this separation and inequality of value that we place on our perceptions that causes the split in our self and causes us to experience guilt and criticism of our human emotional selves. I have invalidated my experience of negative emotions countless times due to my impatience to fast-track into my preferred state of unity and unconditional love. This non-acceptance and resistance has actually prolonged my feelings of depression and unworthiness.

    ‘Love is a rainbow, it’s not a specific colour’ ~ Michael Monk

    So we have viewed our different aspects (the ‘higher’ spiritual perspective and the ‘lower’ human earthly perspective) as being unequal and therefore validated the spiritual and invalidated the human which includes the full spectrum and polarity of emotions. We even attach judgement to the words ‘higher’ and ‘lower’ making one better than the other.

    So how do we reconcile this? I am thinking – We start by seeing our messy-polarised-emotional human experience for the amazing vehicle of growth and consciousness exploration that it is. We are in this playground of denser polarity for good reason and we need to embrace and make the most of this incredibly varied and intensive emotional spectrum. Yes, the polarity game is ending now and we are ultimately here to assist in raising our collective vibration and the re-unification of our selves. But re-unification is not just about transcending the negative as fast as poss. It’s a process, a journey. It is about embracing and loving ALL of our selves, re-uniting all the parts and pieces as ONE and recognising the incredible beauty, value and richness that each aspect has provided.

    So I have found that my dilemma has occurred from experiencing two different perspectives simultaneously and validating one whilst invalidating the other. I am going to start validating both perspectives equally and appreciating the gift of getting to experience myriad perspectives. Instead of judging myself for being angry, I am going to feel it and be okay with feeling it. I will say to myself ‘Okay you are experiencing anger now and that’s ok, that’s completely valid’. Instead of repressing it like I usually do, I am going to express it in the moment that I feel it because there is nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with that. E-motion, is energy in motion, it just wants to flow. Energy simply IS, we are the ones who have labelled it as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. So I will stop labelling and judging the energy and I will greet it and say ‘okay you want to flow, you want to be expressed, so I will do that’ Now there are many different ways to express, including constructive and unproductive methods and this seems like a bit of an art form to me. I guess I have been turned off by perceiving the seemingly unproductive expression of "negative" energy that happens a lot in this world. I’m going to have to experiment and find ways of constructively expressing my full spectrum of energy. I feel that embracing the full spectrum of my energy will allow me to truly, authentically BE in my full presence, power and service in this world.

    I hope that this approach will bring feelings of freedom, wholeness and oneness through the validation and appreciation of all parts of my self and that instead of judging and separating, I will accept this messy part of life and start to feel more comfortable and welcoming of the uncomfortable. By allowing myself to be completely authentic, I will naturally move further into love of myself and all beings of the here and now, and closer to that feeling of inner peace, that all is OK with me, you and the world on this wonderful, colourful ride. Thanks so much for bringing this to light..I am interested to hear more from you and others who share this experience! 

    Andrea ❤

    1. Oh, wow! This comment has helped me SO much. You seem to fully understand what I mean…
      This part: “People like you and me who are very connected to this spiritual wider perspective, naturally see this more expansive perspective in everyday life, often simultaneously with our polarised human emotions. This is a wonderful gift and perspective that we share with the world. The problem occurs when we view this big picture understanding as being better than or more valid than our more focused-polarised-human emotions.”
      And this part: “So how do we reconcile this? I am thinking – We start by seeing our messy-polarised-emotional human experience for the amazing vehicle of growth and consciousness exploration that it is. We are in this playground of denser polarity for good reason and we need to embrace and make the most of this incredibly varied and intensive emotional spectrum. Yes, the polarity game is ending now and we are ultimately here to assist in raising our collective vibration and the re-unification of our selves. But re-unification is not just about transcending the negative as fast as poss. It’s a process, a journey.”

      And everything you said…basically, THANK YOU.

      I find it so humorous that I hold this wider perspective but also forget these important truths. I am wise, and sooo human at the same time. It makes me laugh haha, I am sure my guides are laughing with me. It’s like this quote from Ram Dass – “And every time you step back from your own melodrama, the cosmic humor gets higher and higher.”

      You are wise and amazing. ❤

      1. Haha – I Am getting the cosmic humour more and more too… and also feel my guides/higher self laughing along with me! I am making mistakes, and taking note and learning to laugh and let it go. Reading your blogs has helped me so much. THANK YOU for being real, expressing your Self and making me see this aspect in my self too. I need that mirror to actually recognise it in myself in the first place! Embracing the physical, extreme polarity and being human has been more difficult for me as a big part me relates more to different states of being (pleiadies etc). I am finally starting to feel grateful and blessed that we get to experience this particular part of All that is and walk each other home xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s