Scars on Hearts

I used to think  I was a strong person. But maybe I was just lying to myself.

The fact that I’m still alive with scars on my wrist is what helps me keep telling the lie.

But honestly, although I like to think that I could love someone again, I don’t know that I could.

People leave and then you’re alone and crying.
And though it’s great in the beginning, and usually the middle. There’s always the end. Always.

Being broken up with twice, and breaking up with someone once due to them clearly not loving me any more…so basically, having three people fall out of love with me, leads one to believe in one’s flaws more than one’s (apparent) positives.
They saw too many flaws and faults, so they left. And that’s the truth of it.

 

 

No amount of positive thinking can change that bottom line.

 

dancing woman

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2 comments

  1. But Remember, all is well. Why? i too am in a similar position, i’ve only ever been left by a boy\ guy/ man whatever you want to call them, but i’ve never left anybody. Yes it hurts like a bitch, it lowers your self-esteem, and makes you seriously question your worthiness, but i find that’s the gift in it. Sometimes when these things happen to me i ask “what’s right about this that i’m not getting”, because i know that through destruction breeds creation, this is life’s cycle. Fires burn down the bush in a destructive manner, but if that destruction did not occur, there wouldn’t be anything to promote new growth, plant life flourishes after a fire has wiped everything away, and grows back even stronger. Bush fires are necessary to allow new life to generate. In the very same way i relate this to destruction in my own life, in order for things to be better, new or different, the old must go away to make way for the new. Although my ego still gets a kick in the ass, and it hurts so much to think of the one i love dearly and know that they do return that love; potentially because they saw things they didn’t like..but maybe what they saw was simply a reflection of things i already did not like about myself? Now i look at ways i can improve myself..not for anyone else, but for my own happiness. Sometimes it’s healthy to see your old self in a negative light, without those rose coloured shades, and you can look at yourself now and say thank god i’m not like that anymore. Sometimes it can be impossible to see ‘the self’ without ‘the other’ for there is no such thing as self without other, in just the same way that we can’t know black without white, and i can’t know what good is unless i can compare it to bad, i can’t be in the ‘in’ group unless there is an out group to compare to, in order for an individual to be ‘in’, ‘out’ must exist or they will never know what ‘in’ really is. So to put it bluntly, sometimes we need those dick head bastards to help us improve, to help us figure out what we really do or don’t want. That’s not to say (as a silly example) someone thinking you are fat means you are fat and that you need to lose weight, but more so “Yes he was a jerk…however i should of stood up for myself, been more confident, not obsessed over my insecurities” etc.
    Lots of Love – Mieke

    1. Hey Mieke,
      Yes, you are exactly right. You are really fucking wise!
      I do know these things, I think, one just forgets in the face of injury.
      It is indeed true that these things promote new growth, and that should be appreciated. Also, the fact that it is all a co-creation – they are the mirror – which is sort of what I was realising within the poem that I wrote recently…they (those that hurt us, intentionally or not) reflect what we are already thinking whether consciously or unconsciously, these things are within our vibration thus that’s how we ended up a match to it all in the first place.

      The relevant part of the poem I wrote where I realised the co-creation and mirror relationship:

      But I guess it comes full circle, you know
      You’re just a mirror of what I don’t show
      Fragile glass made so sharp
      You cause injury
      But you were carved from me
      And that’s a truth that will never leave me
      That light will never go out
      But that’s alright because I’ll remember from now
      You were there to show me how
      To walk away from wars in which I don’t belong
      To stand still as you shattered from what I did wrong

      And it’s true, all IS well. My guides are always like hey it’s okay, in the end.
      I consider your messages a sign that I am attracting these realisations more and more, as you are a mirror of me too…and we are therefore helping each other grow via this interaction so I THANK YOU.

      Love love love. xox

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