anger

goverment oppression art

Anger, Disappointment and CAPS LOCK

I am so fucking angry and disappointed right now. I can’t be bothered to explain why at this point in time but I just wanted to type somewhere angrily and YELL ABOUT HOW SHIT THE GOVERNMENT IS IN CAPS LOCK.

THE GOVERNMENT IS SHIT AND UNLOVING AND NEEDS CHANGE. I wish I could just jump into the future where the mass consciousness has evolved into (or returned to it’s natural state of) one of unity and openness.

But I can’t. SO I’M JUST GOING TO WRITE IN CAPS LOCK AND THINK IN LOUD NOISES UNTIL I FEEL BETTER.

INSERT EXPRESSION OF ANGER AND RESENTMENT AT PEOPLE’S LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE UNIVERSE EVEN THOUGH I GUESS IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT IT IS STILL FUCKING ANNOYING AND MAKES MY LIFE THAT MUCH HARDER UGH UGH UGH UGH

On Losing Friends: Part Two

I have moved from the depression phase to the ‘fuck you guys’ phase.

I quite prefer it.

And I’m NOT going to do the thing that I do which is rationalise their side of the story so that my feelings are no longer valid…

On one friend’s account: I get it. He kind of has an excuse. But nothing that excuses him from being so callous about it all.

The other: No. Just no. You suck.

YOU ALL SUCK.

What the fuck is wrong with people, I thought it was a prerequisite to not be a dick to enter the realm that is my life. Apparently not. Well, cool, looks like you’re leaving anyway. So, peace out BUDDEH.

But seriously. SCREW YOU.
I’ve said it once, no wait, twice, before and I’ll say it again – YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE. YOU FREAKIN’ IDIOTS.

Whatever. I don’t need bullshit, hardened (aka emotionally immature) people around me.
I am both gentle and fierce and so, so loving. It is sad that you can’t handle that. Enjoy the lack of that. ENJOY. Jerks.

HA YES

Note: There may be more to come on this as the ridiculous rage continues. Look forward to that…

Anger Phobia

I realised I have ‘anger phobia’.

Being around or exposed to anger makes me extremely uncomfortable…and I suppose that’s usual because that’s an unpleasant environment for anyone BUT what I mean is, as soon as I see an inkling…I am ready to bail. For example, if I’m at a dinner and someone starts talking about some kind of political or ethical subject they are passionately against, I will straight away start to feel tense and start to feel knots in my stomach. I expect them to move into anger and get a bit crazy. I suppose we could call it a hypersensitivity to anger. Side Note: I know that this is partially due to growing up with a dad with a short temper. I will be reflecting upon that in the next few entries. But for right now… This is a separate, but intertwined issue that needs to be addressed at a later date and is not the main point tonight.

So, anyway.
The last little while I’ve been trying to make sure that I express my emotions and don’t just cover them up with excessive spiritual optimism (so I don’t have to feel them). This is not the best way of going about things, this is what causes energy blockages. It is best to fully express one’s emotions and only then reorient your focus to things that make you feel good.
So for me personally, the question seems to be…how can I be okay with feeling angry about something when I see it from the ‘higher perspective’ or ‘bigger picture’ outlook? What I mean is, say a friend just heard some bad news, I ask him something, friend snaps at me or says something rude, I will feel a wave of pain, but then think to myself, “he didn’t mean it, he is just already feeling upset, so he’s lashing out.” and move on as quickly as possible, turning my attention to something that feels emotionally good.

When something happens that causes me to feel anger, I always see the higher perspective of things amidst my waves of anger and frustration. So, because I see that, I then feel guilty and ridiculous that I’m angry. Another example: friend is late to seeing a movie, I feel angry, friend was late because of traffic, I realise it is legitimately not their fault they’re late. It was the traffic. So, I grumpily ignore the anger and we move on.

psyduck pokemon

If you know who this is, you sir, are awesome.

Seeing the higher perspective in this way is sometimes known as a form of spiritual bypassing. It’s important to feel one’s emotions and allow the personal ‘human’ side to express itself. It is important to remain ‘real’ and true to yourself and your feelings, your life.
But…I’m actually confused right now.

I seem to condemn and shame myself for feeling angry via this understanding of the bigger picture.
And I realise this is wrong. But it doesn’t make the validity of the bigger picture reasoning any less.
Being angry feels irrational and stupid in light of that.

My Question:

How do I reconcile this?

I am open to suggestions because I’m really struggling with this one.

 

To be continued…

Quote: Teal Scott

teal scott quote argue
There has been many a time when, in an argument, all I want is to be understood…as soon as that happens, the pain fades and there is room for forgiveness and clarity that allows for resolution. I see this in other’s as well and it astounds me that many times, these same people do not see this simple truth!
We all want to be understood, just that alleviates the pain so much.