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Being Highly Sensitive, Being Me: Part 1

“Over Sensitive”
“Too Dramatic”

I don’t like bright lights. I rarely use the ceiling light at night time, I will usually only use soft lamps and candles. I try to have only warm yellow lights in my house (save for my rainbow fairy lights which I love). I’m not using my bathroom light at the moment because it’s a neutral/cool white. I bought some neutral/cool white fairy lights that I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like. I was hopeful that I would somehow become okay with them and it would be all good. This was because they were on sale and I had had trouble finding fairy lights in general. Now they’re hanging up in the lounge room and I don’t use them. I hung them up because I was determined to adjust somehow. I still switch them on every now and then in the vain hope that I’ll be suddenly okay with their light, but no, that has not happened. Even in the day time, I sometimes wish that night would come sooner so I could have soft light instead of the harsh-to-me regular daylight.

I am scared of escalators. My sense of balance is terrible. I’m not scared to the point where I won’t use them, but I have to be very conscious. I have to watch my feet and take a breath when I first step on to make sure I don’t step into the gap and fall to my death. I have to hang on to the railing. If I’m with a friend and they touch me or stand close behind or in front of me, I will freak out. At some of the train stations in the city, there are escalators that are quite long and very steep. I struggle to retain my balance on those. I have to hang on to the railing and look at my hand, or I’ll fall over. When I look anywhere else, I feel I’m starting to wobble. Also, I am the most un-coordinated person ever. I will miss my mouth when I eat on occasion, I will not catch that ball you’ve gleefully thrown… And yes, also, I’m scared of heights, terrified in fact.

There are certain fabrics that I can’t stand to wear. I would type them out but I don’t know what they’re called…I should start taking note. I can’t sleep on flannel or satin sheets or anything. They have to be cotton/polyester or something like that. If I’m sharing a bed with someone, I can’t have my pillow touch the other person’s pillow, at least until we turn the light off. Once I can’t see it it doesn’t bother me much. The pillow slip has to be straight. I hate the feeling of my cheek or head resting on a bunched up pillow slip.
I can’t have my hair touching me much (when I go to sleep that is). I need it to be flipped up so it’s not touching me on my cheek or face or ears etc.

When there are little glowing lights shining from electronics in the room I’m sleeping in, I have to either switch them off or cover them up. It doesn’t matter that once I close my eyes or face the other way I won’t see them. I know they’re there and it keeps me awake.
I have a bunch of other little before-bed things but you get the drift.

When I dislike a colour, I really dislike a colour. Olive green. Olive green and I are not friends. When I see something that is olive green, it is horrible. It is akin to someone scratching their nails on a chalkboard. It makes me shiver.

Loud noises, expected or unexpected are not my friend.

I dislike going to the movies because it’s too loud and big. There’s too much going on. I will block my ears a lot during a cinema experience.
I do go to loud events like a concert on occasion, but whilst there I am having a sort of difficult time: I’m enjoying the music, but hating the loudness. I’m having fun with my friend, but am extremely unhappy about everyone else’s presence. It is weird and difficult. I’m going to Taylor Swift with my friend, L, at the end of the year. I expect I will be listening and enjoying, but with my fingers in my ears. I blocked my ears a few times during the ballet performance I saw. It’s not because I’m not enjoying it, it’s not because I’m rude, it’s because it is unpleasantly loud. I don’t get how everyone else is not blocking their ears.

People who move really quickly, heavily, loudly or erratically…I will have a bad time interacting with you. I will be all right for awhile but will soon decide I need a break and may leave the room or something. I like gentle people.

My personal space bubble is apparently a bit bigger than others’. Additionally, I am not great when someone I am not good friends with touches me. I don’t like shaking hands even. It feels intimate and weird (and pointless). I don’t hug/kiss on the cheek people I don’t know, or like a whole bunch goodbye, even when it would be inadvertently singling them out (E.g. saying goodbye to group of good friends, hug each of them, don’t hug the friend of a friend who also happens to be there. Friend of a friend might feel weird. Sorry but I can’t do it). I hate kissing on the cheek hellos from strangers, friends of a friend, or relatives (who might as well be strangers because they are not present in my life except for Christmas). Wait, I will admit actually, I have done this on occasion. But afterwards I feel really weird and fake and invaded.

I can’t eat a banana unless it’s chopped up into slices. I mean, I can…but I don’t like to. It’s the texture. It’s weird and gross.

I mostly do not watch violent or scary movies or tv shows. I’m okay with punches here and there (re: marvel/dc movie/tv obsessions) and cool super heroes but nothing darker or harder than that. Watching such things makes me feel: emotional discomfort, physical discomfort, the emotions that come when I’m in physical pain and fearful. These feelings stay with me, they don’t fade away once the film or show has ended as this ever underlying sense of worry and concern. I will often have bad dreams following a violent film/tv show interaction also. I don’t watch or read the news much for some of these same reasons.

I am listening to what you aren’t saying.

End Part One…

(Highly Sensitive Person information @