be yourself

energy human field

Reborn

Today I am more myself than I have ever been.

I know I have gone and on and on about rebirth. I have been in the labour period of it for so long. I think today I did it. I am finally reborn.

This does not make much sense to anyone but me. I am too tired to type it all out. But it is a day of celebration nonetheless.

fairy butterfly

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck ever doing anything that is not in alignment with my highest good.
Fuck ever being anything that is not in alignment with who I truly am.
Fuck ever saying anything that is not in alignment with my highest truth.
Fuck ever being anything or anyone other than my soul.

All that matters is the spark of life in you and that it shines as brightly as it possibly can.

When you be or say or do anything that is not of your soul, your light dulls. All that fucking matters in this life is letting your unique, individual spark of life shine as brightly as it can, as brightly as it should. It’s natural state is to be permanently bright and luminary. It is dulled when we walk in shadows of resistance to who we really are.

So BE WHO YOU ARE in EVERY waking moment.

If you feel like shit, don’t force yourself to go to work because of societal pressure or fear about money. Yes, these are very very real concerns that are of course terrifying but there will come a point when you would rather your light shine brightly homeless than be dulled, dressed in a suit and tie. This point, when it comes, is unique to all. But there can always be the hope that we will align with this way of being without coming to a dramatic point in our life but rather, hopefully one day, it will simply be our way.

If you want to stay in bed all day, stay in bed all day. There is a reason you feel like this is what you need to do at this time. If you stay with this, it will eventually flow into something else, then that will flow into something else, then that will flow into something else and so on and so on, with the magnetic pull always flowing towards what is best for you at this time, what will bring you into alignment with the true brightness of your light.

How you feel matters, in every waking second your emotions and feelings are your exact instruction for what will bring you closest to your true light, the fastest. If you have to, treat your emotions like they are the teacher and you are the student. Listen to them and head towards the next thing that feels one step better than before, as they so often guide us to, and you will learn that they can be trusted to draw you to what you had been seeking all along, and eventually, hopefully, you will learn that you are them, the teacher, and they are the student, you are each one another, you are one and the same.

Don’t you see? Everything in this life is an illusion. It is an idealised perfection by someone else’s mind that you are now trying to become. The truth is only in you and you write it in every single moment of your existence, every breath you take, you are making the decision to either commit to or deny the illusion. Let yourself be free and think of what is best for you. If the illusion brings you comfort and joy then by all means experience it’s depths to the nth degree, the furthest reaches that you can. Exhaust the perspective and experience of being in, behind, below, beneath and within the veil but when it is time to leave, do not run, do not stay in a place you have written away with your most recent breath. You are done with that, you are done with the beauty and the pain that it held for you to learn and grow within. You are now beyond that and you are freer than ever before. You are not shackled, you are not in chains, you are just feared. You are feared by you because of the magnificence you know that you can truly be. It will shock and enthral you and you will lose every sentiment of the illusion that you held inside of you to be true. To relieve yourself of the burden of the veil is not one that is done easily most often, because you are not even aware that it is a burden until you step away from it and say, ‘ah, I feel so much lighter. I shine so much brighter. Could this have all been a dream?’ You will feel newness for the first time and fresh and as a child once more. It is terrifying to be a child, to be in that state of innocence and faith in a world that has taught you that it is safest to be the exact opposite. But in reality it is not to be feared, this child like state, for it is a state of strength and of great earned and learned wisdom over years and years. You cannot notice who you have always been if you did not first experience who you never truly were (the illusion). Take heed and know that now that you are free no one can stop you from being this great, effervescent, luminary, unstoppable, unbreakable, untouchable LIGHT of pure beauty and joy and most of all, FREEDOM.

girl stars art photo

Undercover (Dawn)

It is difficult to be the one who always holds faith, who believes that people are innately good and are more than what they show on the surface. It is difficult to be the one who is willing to be vulnerable to help others understand, only to have them not always do the same.

It’s kind of cold underneath the surface
But we get there in the end
We get there in the end

Undercover your skin feels soft
Out of the sun, in the dark, it’s what we’ve got
It’s a tired time, it’s a time to mellow
But the dawn reignites your fear

The sun’s coming up
Bruises startin’ to show
In the yawn of the sun and the light of yellow
Armour starts to regrow

You’re just straining for something new to be born
And you know it can’t wait

But the days are too long, and you’re tired, and you’re back in bed
Before the questions can start to sing the answers in your head
So I’m singing you to sleep silently
Awake in your dark, quietly

– Rebecca Elizabeth Anne

st. catherine quote

Screw the ‘Shoulds’

I think it’s so important to be real. I like being real. I think part of my purpose is to ‘be real’ so that others feel free to do the same – feel free to release themselves of whatever prison they’ve built around themselves via societal rules, parental and upbringing rules and effects, whatever. You will always be far more quickly propelled towards your joy if you allow yourself to be true to who you are. Because the rest is just a façade that you’ve built up that is not really as solid as you think.

The only thing that gives weight to rules and your understanding of what is acceptable, what is normal and what is unacceptable, what is strange or wrong…is you.

And relative to being real I’ve felt prompted to write this –

There is a part of me that feels like I ‘should’ utilise my expanded awareness more than I currently due via this blog/the internet. I ‘should’ be writing more about all the things that I know about spirituality and metaphysics (maybe me even writing my book is the effect of a similar ‘should’ mentality) for the sake of others’ learning. But the fact that I don’t always feel inspired to tells me that that is not my role. So, why the ‘should’? Because that is the programmed half of me. The part that says, “If I don’t share these things a) I don’t have the right to call myself a guide b) it’s selfish because sharing this information would benefit others and improve their lives and I should want that for them c) all of this means I am not good, not a good person, a good human…and let’s ask, what’s so bad about that? Well, then I’m not deserving of love.

So the ultimate issue is something like… If I don’t stick to these ‘shoulds’ I am surely not a good person and I am therefore not worthy of love. (I must say that it is kind of sad to the self that observes right now, as I realise that this programming has even infiltrated my spirituality…)

This ultimate issue, this programming surrounding deserving, love and the parameters for being worthy of it stems from, you guessed it, childhood. It’s that same whole thing…it doesn’t mean my parents did a crap job at raising me – the majority of the population alive today are all about the ‘shoulds’ because it’s been going on so long, it’s pretty much engraved in our genetic code/is the parenting style of the last 50 bajillion centuries: If you don’t do certain things, or if you do do certain things, you don’t get love (because you are not worthy of it).

We have totally forgotten the universal truth – there is nothing you can do or not do that makes you more or less worthy of love. You are already worthy. You exist because you are worthy. You are made up of atoms of love that conspired to create you…and even the miraculousness that is that sentence is not evidence for you being worthy of love – that’s just a fact, just like the fact that you are worthy of love. I am worthy of love. The ant is worthy of love (and it knows it – to the point where it does not even have a concept or awareness of such a ridiculous notion). The tree is worthy of love (same as the ant ^). It’s just us humans.

Somewhere in time, in the midst of disconnecting from our Source aspect in order to get wrapped up in the 3D video game that is life, we invented ‘worth’.
Worth can never taken away or added to because there was never even a concept of worth (before humans).
The natural order of things does not know of ‘worth’. ‘Worth’ does not really exist.

(Now to drill this into my brain) (it is funny how half of you knows and 100% believes something whilst the other half can still have such a strong hold on the opposite belief) (I will get there, so will you).

Anyway,

I know the counter view. One actually should not succumb to pressure from childhood programming about worth and love and deserving. I say an actual ‘should’ here (for lack of a better term, ugh) because I think the only real should (again I wish there was a better term here) for me at least might be, ‘follow your heart. follow your joy. follow you and only you.’ (or something like that). AND I know that I do write about things that do serve others whether they are from a personal standpoint like this entry or whether they are more informational, which they sometimes are (See ‘should’! I AM doing it. So there.) <— this exemplifies just how blinded such programming can make us…

So, the moral of this story/entry/rant is: I SHOULD continue to be who I am whether that means I write about spirituality from whatever perspective or not.

Considering all of this, I will soon make a new category of my blog entitled something like, “Random thoughts” or “Screw the Shoulds” or something. Hooray.