sunlight tree

Goodbye Summer, Hello Mystery: Of Autumn and Gold

Life feels very mysterious to me at the moment. I am observing it and I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I am trying to just roll with it. I have so many feelings swirling in my mind and heart that are writing themselves into a lot of poetry and singing themselves out through a new inspiration to play guitar.

I think a lot of it has to do with me coming off of Cymbalta (Duloxetine HCI – SNRI – Antidepressant/Anti Anxiety medication). I didn’t know it, but it was indeed suppressing some of the purer aspects of my being. No wonder my creativity fell away. My creativity resides in my feelings that were then drowned in chemical waters.

I knew/noticed that my creativity had gone when I went on antidepressants. I used to write poetry every day. I have hundreds, possibly thousands, of poems on my hard drive that I began writing in 2005 (ish). I used to play guitar (a little) as well. Also, I noted that my sacral chakra has been blocked up until maybe 6 months ago when I became aware of it (the sacral chakra – the seat of one’s creativity).
As you can see from this blog, I am writing more and more poetry once again… I am feeling more.

And we could speak of concern about me falling back into depression and sleepless nights, that this is a precursor to that. But this time it’s different. I am more whole. I am who I truly am in these days, more than ever before.
I don’t just feel the sad songs, I feel the happy songs too. I hear their joy and I can embrace it. I feel my pain and I can face it. (<—just the thoughts in my head are becoming more and more poetic, also).
I am more aware of my pain and it hurts. I am also more aware of my joy, and that’s…something else.

I’m actually taking some serious spiritual steps towards healing my broken heart and the unintegrated aspects of my consciousness at the moment. I’m braver than I was before.

Summer has left and I barely noticed. But now as I do, I look out the window and I see the grey and I’ll admit, I am struggling to see the beauty of that. But the point is that I want to, the point is that I am trying.

I suppose Autumn is a time of change, a time of mystery. Perhaps Autumn will teach me how to allow my bright green to gently fade to gold. Gold is beautiful. I like gold.

There are silhouettes singing in the trees
Somehow blowing the wind that sways the leaves
And Autumn, she calls me

She is all my dreams of untouched sighs
And quiet minds, tired eyes
I see gold through all of the mystery
That surrounds me

I see gold growing all around me
Weaving through the gardens that could be
Delicate loops of hope
For Autumn

She holds all of my dreams
And she grasps them carefully
And I look to see
If what I want will be
But all I see
Is gold

– Rebecca Elizabeth Anne


The Rain Don’t Last/Love, Love, Love.

Could it be the world’s gone colder? Maybe I’m a losing soul. The more I try it just gets harder and my pain is getting old.
Somebody said that nothing lasts forever…just the storm – so I’ve been told. But it seems that when it rains it pours.
And you know the rain won’t last forever. And you know the storm won’t always flow. But if the sun don’t shine forever – you gotta let it go.
Sometimes my burdens get so heavy and it seems too hard to bear. Sometimes I feel so empty and it feels like no one’s there. Somebody said that nothing lasts forever…just the storm – so I’ve been told But it seems that when it rains it pours
And you know the rain won’t last forever. And you know the storm won’t always flow. But if the sun don’t shine forever – you gotta let it go.
And you gotta let it go. And you gotta let it go.

The Rain Don’t Last by Hope

white flowers circle

Lalala lullaby all the way to bed
Just drinking until the wine tilts your head
Tonight it’s okay to feel lost
Some days are days that memory forgot

Written in sand, the book reads page one
But there’s so much further to go
Wandering back to the shore love, love, love.

Love, Love, Love by Me.

Ascended Masters/Angel Numbers

I had a dream about ‘ascended masters’ last night. All I know about it is that I woke up with that phrase in my head. Then I noticed just now that I have 333 Facebook friends at the moment.

(The idea with spirituality and numbers is: noticing numbers and number sequences are a message from your angels, spirit guides and/or higher beings. Each number holds unique characteristics within it’s energy. Seeing 3 of any number is an expression of it’s energy surrounding you but it is tripled, quadrupled if you see 4 and so on and so on.)

spirit guides

You’re never alone, not really. As much as I sometimes say that I am when experiencing grief…it is these messages that offer me the faith that I am surrounded by love, once again. Just by the way, this image very accurately depicts what I have seen when I have dreamt of participating in spiritual activities and guidance in the higher realms. 🙂

Information on 3 and 333:

From Doreen Virtue:

333 – The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love, and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin, and Yogananda.”


I am receiving the intuition that these characteristics mentioned in this article are the ones relevant to me:

“The number 3 relates to encouragement, assistance, communication, growth, expansion, the principles of increase, expression, openness, broadminded thinking, faith, hope and charity, freedom-seeking, brave, brilliant, an open-channel, free-form, rhythm, surprise, intelligence, self-expression, imagination and manifesting your desires.”

The ultimate message I am receiving is:
There are 3 ascended masters now transferring the energy of new ideas and openness to me. The things I should focus more on are hope and faith. I am to have  faith in myself and the universe as I create it around me… I am to hold faith that I am brilliant and brave…and know that I am imaginative and assisted.

I encourage anyone who finds this entry interesting to have a look at Numerology, Astrology and “Angel Numbers” and their intertwining relationships.

“I Trust myself to Create” – Teal Swan Vibrational Artwork:

creativitiy teal swan

I Trust myself to Create – Teal Swan

“The vibration of trusting/having confidence in your ability to create enjoyable experiences for yourself and what is in line with your highest good. A very good frequency for anyone who is stuck in victim mentality or who does not trust themselves or other people.”

You can view more of Teal’s artwork, download images and check out prints and products at:


I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…