deserving

st. catherine quote

Screw the ‘Shoulds’

I think it’s so important to be real. I like being real. I think part of my purpose is to ‘be real’ so that others feel free to do the same – feel free to release themselves of whatever prison they’ve built around themselves via societal rules, parental and upbringing rules and effects, whatever. You will always be far more quickly propelled towards your joy if you allow yourself to be true to who you are. Because the rest is just a façade that you’ve built up that is not really as solid as you think.

The only thing that gives weight to rules and your understanding of what is acceptable, what is normal and what is unacceptable, what is strange or wrong…is you.

And relative to being real I’ve felt prompted to write this –

There is a part of me that feels like I ‘should’ utilise my expanded awareness more than I currently due via this blog/the internet. I ‘should’ be writing more about all the things that I know about spirituality and metaphysics (maybe me even writing my book is the effect of a similar ‘should’ mentality) for the sake of others’ learning. But the fact that I don’t always feel inspired to tells me that that is not my role. So, why the ‘should’? Because that is the programmed half of me. The part that says, “If I don’t share these things a) I don’t have the right to call myself a guide b) it’s selfish because sharing this information would benefit others and improve their lives and I should want that for them c) all of this means I am not good, not a good person, a good human…and let’s ask, what’s so bad about that? Well, then I’m not deserving of love.

So the ultimate issue is something like… If I don’t stick to these ‘shoulds’ I am surely not a good person and I am therefore not worthy of love. (I must say that it is kind of sad to the self that observes right now, as I realise that this programming has even infiltrated my spirituality…)

This ultimate issue, this programming surrounding deserving, love and the parameters for being worthy of it stems from, you guessed it, childhood. It’s that same whole thing…it doesn’t mean my parents did a crap job at raising me – the majority of the population alive today are all about the ‘shoulds’ because it’s been going on so long, it’s pretty much engraved in our genetic code/is the parenting style of the last 50 bajillion centuries: If you don’t do certain things, or if you do do certain things, you don’t get love (because you are not worthy of it).

We have totally forgotten the universal truth – there is nothing you can do or not do that makes you more or less worthy of love. You are already worthy. You exist because you are worthy. You are made up of atoms of love that conspired to create you…and even the miraculousness that is that sentence is not evidence for you being worthy of love – that’s just a fact, just like the fact that you are worthy of love. I am worthy of love. The ant is worthy of love (and it knows it – to the point where it does not even have a concept or awareness of such a ridiculous notion). The tree is worthy of love (same as the ant ^). It’s just us humans.

Somewhere in time, in the midst of disconnecting from our Source aspect in order to get wrapped up in the 3D video game that is life, we invented ‘worth’.
Worth can never taken away or added to because there was never even a concept of worth (before humans).
The natural order of things does not know of ‘worth’. ‘Worth’ does not really exist.

(Now to drill this into my brain) (it is funny how half of you knows and 100% believes something whilst the other half can still have such a strong hold on the opposite belief) (I will get there, so will you).

Anyway,

I know the counter view. One actually should not succumb to pressure from childhood programming about worth and love and deserving. I say an actual ‘should’ here (for lack of a better term, ugh) because I think the only real should (again I wish there was a better term here) for me at least might be, ‘follow your heart. follow your joy. follow you and only you.’ (or something like that). AND I know that I do write about things that do serve others whether they are from a personal standpoint like this entry or whether they are more informational, which they sometimes are (See ‘should’! I AM doing it. So there.) <— this exemplifies just how blinded such programming can make us…

So, the moral of this story/entry/rant is: I SHOULD continue to be who I am whether that means I write about spirituality from whatever perspective or not.

Considering all of this, I will soon make a new category of my blog entitled something like, “Random thoughts” or “Screw the Shoulds” or something. Hooray.

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