grief

angel wings

Messages from Archangel Azrael and The One

One of my cats, Uriel died on Sunday.

I asked Archangel Azrael (the angel of death) to be with me and help me understand.
I keep seeing myself and my other cats wrapped in giant angel wings. In an almost tangible kind of way. I am grateful.
Azrael started speaking to me a little while ago. I wrote down what he was saying.

To preface this message so it makes a bit more sense –
I had been thinking about Uriel’s role in my life. When she first came to me I sensed she was going to help me with the energies of forgiveness. This was just an intuition I received. It also aligns with the frequency of her name which is that of the Archangel Uriel who amongst other things, works with energies of forgiveness. (This was not the reason I called her Uriel, that intuition about forgiveness came after I had named her. I named her Uriel because I had a dream that her name was to be ‘Angel’ yet it did not feel 100% right so I looked up the angel names and as my eyes settled on, ‘Uriel’ I knew it to be hers). I had some forgiving to do for certain people in my life.

Leading up to the day Uriel left I had been thinking about forgiveness. I had realised one of the reasons I was still struggling to move on from a previous break up was because I had not offered forgiveness. The day before she died I was watching a YouTube video from a spiritual teacher who was talking about the importance of forgiveness… forgiveness of the self. I pondered the idea that I had not yet approached idea of forgiveness being needed for me, from me. I wrote the word ‘forgiveness’ down in a note on the computer.

cat uriel

Uriel and I

Uriel also really knew how to hold space for me not only when I was in emotional distress but in actuality, all the time. She somehow energetically always provided me with what I can only describe as an intangible ‘love bubble’. She loved. She would put her paw on my heart when I was sad and also pour loving energy all through my being.
I also sensed her to be ‘transient’. I cannot explain that really. I didn’t know what it meant. I just used to think, ‘oh, she’s a transient one’, like an intuitive thought. I didn’t know what it meant. I do now. In the moments of shock and trauma and absolute searing pain I experienced in the first hour that she had passed I still received these words, ‘transient’. As I said, I get it now.

Azrael:

“You did not go through this experience to suffer. You went through this experience to make change. A being does not leave because it is time. A being leaves because it is a new time. And so it is. For you, too.

What you must expect of yourself is not what others do but what you do, what you feel, what ever you matter to you is how you will process this experience.

The transient effect of death, the nature of it’s form of exit is a harsh one for some to experience. As a child of the crystal age you are one who experiences the depths of loss frequently. Everyday we give birth to loss. Everyday there is change to be had and time to be worn on, time to move on. We are not lost when death comes to call but rather awakened to what we were asleep within.

Our times are ever changing in this current age, dear child, and so too the animals seek to move from what is being destroyed in terms of change (the changing of the dimensions at this time) and they move into the higher dimensions to facilitate the perfect destruction to give birth to creation, that must take place in aid of this coming and yet almost already come to be shift.

Your cat, Uriel was not one for long to this world for she had many other jobs to take care of. As an angel of the light she could not be incarnate in her body long. It was just enough for you to facilitate this birthing of forgiveness and understanding of the heart that you had long held lost. She came with you in this journey. Her heart is always within yours as yours is within mine and we are all together one under the light of the all.

She was a transient being as you have sensed, yes. She was an awakening one. She was one to awaken within you what was needed at this time and then she made her departure.

It is not wrong for you to feel this way nor is it wrong for her to have left in this way or left at all. She came to you for special reason and now it is known by you and for you. The time has come for the archangels to draw nearer to you in your time of awakening to the birth of the new – the loss of the old. Change disrupts and change changes us but it is always for the better or it would never have come to be.

The Earth spins on her axis for yet another day, as do you at this time. She is watching over you, this little one, and she came to tell you that she is and that she is with the I Am, the I Am in you. You will miss her but her journey has not gone far. She is awake in you as she was the one to awaken you. She is very troublesome and cheeky in this way.

She says she came to be with you in your time of crisis of spiritual and emotional crisis and transitory time. There is not an empty space in your heart for her as you envision because she is in your heart as you have envisioned. All change comes to a close but it does not stop. It simply changes.”

– Archangel Azrael

Previous to this message I received a brief message from The One. I actually had a job interview to go to today. I did not know if I could bring myself to go, if I should go. I feel incredibly sad, frequently break out in tears at random moments and I also feel physically unwell – very tired, headache, sore throat (I had a cold coming on the life of which I am sure has been extended because of my sadness). When the time came that I should start getting ready I was still unsure. I asked for a sign or message from my guides. I got a comment on a post on Facebook that said ‘do what is best for you now, in this moment’. I knew that to be my sign. Moments later I briefly second guessed this. That was when I received this message very clearly:

“All that we would ask is that you consider what is best at the present moment. Your mind is weary, your body is tired, your heart heavy. You are heart heavy. This is one of the most painful emotions or ways of being that a human being can experience. To put pressure on that system of infrastructure to go away is the same as putting pressure on a tentative pipeline. The pipes can burst, the water can break. Toxicity levels are high at this time and freedom is not found in worrying about the future. All that you have is the now (as we have stated previously). Through this experience you will learn the vitality of the now, and the virtue of the now and of being in and of the now. Rest, dear one, now for that is what it is time for, now.”

– The One

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uriel angel me

The Painful Illusion (Re: Uriel)

The Painful Illusion (The Enemy of Death)
Re: Uriel

Stealing away our heart beat
It comes in the middle of the night
Taints the first day of the week
And robs you of their sight
Death has been personified
In this dark fall
Autumn bled her mystery
And now I am at her call

Winter marches on
Stole my breath in it’s wake
I cannot belong
On a planet with pain so great

I know I could go back
To where I first began
But I am sure the glass is sharp there too

Uriel Holds Space

I have been crying this morning and my cat, Uriel, is ‘holding space for me’. I just know it. I am crying about my cat, Joe, that died almost ten years ago. He was a significant being in my life and I am still processing his death. Still. I miss him. There is more to our story.

But anyway, right now I am grieving and and Uriel is holding the space for it, even when it’s about another cat, and for that I love her.

I never really got what ‘holding space’ for someone meant until now. It is just like she is radiating this energetic bubble of love all over  me, that supports only and does not try to heal – the healing IS the support being provided because active healing cannot happen before release…

cat blanket

Uriel

It is much like when she touched my heart to heal it (see Fear of Failure/Paws On Hearts) without the touch part.

I love what I am learning about her role in my life. She really is an angel.

On Losing Friends

I have lost. I have lost the lie of telling myself I’ve still got a friend (in certain people).

Telling lies to others is bad, telling lies to yourself is worse.

Now, now it is time to accept that I am not what some people want, as much as I may want them (wanting those who do not want me, what does that make me? What does that mean? Something to ponder for another time).

I didn’t mean to cry. I meant to stand tall and stay in full bloom…but instead…I fell in battle. And I’m cursing myself for not just stepping down in the first place. Why did I stay where I was not supposed to be (wanted)?
dying rose
They say it is better to be alone than surrounded by false friends. But, at least false friends only make false wounds.
Loneliness is the wound that bleeds the most, the strongest, the fullest, the bloodiest.
It is times like these I wish that I did not love as wholly as I do. I wish I loved that half love that I see others utilise. Maybe I could try. Does practise make perfect in this instance? I doubt it.

I can talk to the animals, I can talk to and feel the tree, I can see the faeries and I can see the waves of the illusion that is life pulsating across my vision. I can see the magic that I often speak of and have wished for for a long time…
But…but, I am alone in it. In the sea of all this magic, I am alone.
And I’ve been lying to myself about it. I’ve been saying, “No, no, I’m not alone. I’m not. I’m not.” But…I am.

Today I had that confirmed. I have lost. I have lost the war I barely acknowledged I was in.

I don’t have many friends and today I had a conversation with 1 friend about him and another (mutual) friend that confirmed what I already knew, but did not want to believe: We are no longer friends. He doesn’t want to be my friend, really. And our mutual friend doesn’t want to be my friend either. They just really, really don’t. They just generally don’t think…generally don’t think of me. I spend/have spent a lot of time thinking about them and their recent lack of appearance in my life…and how it caused me to draw the conclusion that I am unwanted by them…and today I know, today I know for sure:
I am unwanted.

I’m a dusty shadow in the back of your mind
I’m the tape you’ll never bother to rewind
I’m the echo you ignore
And now, now I know for sure


P.S. I acknowledge that I do have a couple of true friends and I am grateful for them but right now, this is my story.

I don’t think I would survive this life without my cats.
cats sunlight

 

“I can turn it on. Be a good machine. I can hold the weight of worlds if that’s what you need…Be your everything.
I can do it. I can do it. I’ll get through it.
I’m only human and I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human and I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart ’cause I’m only human.
I’m only human. I’m only human. Just a little human.
I can take so much. ‘Til I’ve had enough…
‘Cause I’m only human and I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human and I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart ’cause I’m only human.”

– Only Human by Christina Perri