Do you ever feel like you are just broken and like you need a sign on your head that warns people about how they might as well not bother talking to you because they will eventually be disappointed?
WHY do I try when it is consistently obvious that I will never get back to being that person who everyone likes?
Being who you are is hard and can make you alone and sometimes people say, and often I agree, that it’s a beautiful thing to stick to your soul despite being made alone for it and the part of me that is always existing in the light knows this to be true, but the darker side of me and the side of me that is actively experiencing this in this moment says: this sucks.
I used to have so many friends and be the one that everyone liked and loved and thought was funny and great and now I’m just this social recluse who lives on the internet and in a house full of faeries that no one will believe exist.
Yesterday I decided that I was going to love always, despite being not loved back, despite the risk of that as a potential that always exist, and I am still going to, and I do, but it conflicts with my sadness and drags me back to the light – knowing the truth of who you are and what this universe really is makes it hard to allow oneself to ‘be human’ (‘you’re only human’) because whilst I’m thinking and writing all these sad things, there’s another voice in my head saying that everything will be alright and that’s good, I guess, but it’s a painful kind of good. It’s like, ‘everything will be alright, I will get through this’ and because I know this, I want to be through it NOW. Take me back to the light, please. Sometime soon.
But anyway: THIS MOMENT, THIS TODAY, IS DIFFICULT.
(I have so much trouble letting go).
EDIT – This is probably not helping:
“FILAMENT ERUPTION, EARTH-DIRECTED: On Sept. 2nd, an enormous filament of dark plasma, which had been snaking across the face of the sun for days, became unstable and erupted. NASA’s Solar Dynamics Observatory recorded the blast: movie #1, #2. Soon thereafter, a lopsided CME billowed away from sun.”
“According to NOAA analysts, the CME will deliver a glancing blow to Earth’s magnetic field on Sept. 6th.“
I love you sun, but sometimes you and your CME’s are a bit much.
Learn more about the effects of solar activity on human consciousness, the Earth and our physical bodies at http://www.carliniinstitute.com/how_recent_solar_flares_are_affecting_us