I have just read a blog by Teal (Teal Swan/Teal Scott/The Spiritual Catalyst) about ego and humility. I completely agree with a resonate with her perspective shown in this blog – http://blog.thespiritualcatalyst.com/ego-and-humility
I frequently experience people commenting on how I am ‘soooo skinny’ or ‘sooo pretty’ and how they ‘wish they could look like me’, knowing that they are (more often than not) seeking a compliment from me.
Example 1: *going shopping* “Oh man, Becc, I can’t believe you are a size 8/small, I wish I was as skinny as you!”
Example 2: *I compliment them on something* “No way! I am like, so fat and ugly.” – If I don’t say something like, “Oh, not at all. You are beautiful.” they assume my silence means I agree with their statement. If I say, “No, really, you’re so pretty” the argument continues on with a response from them such as, “Nooo, look at my face/hips/something they consider a flaw, ughhh” ….and from there…I don’t know what to say which takes us back to them thinking my lack of response means that I agree with their statement. But the truth of it is: I do not like to respond to these kind of compliment seeking behaviours because I feel like if I do, I am encouraging them to only value the opinion of others, as opposed to having to make the effort to discover what they like about themselves.
I am really over people’s self deprecation. It sometimes makes me feel bad that just by looking at me, other women may feel negative emotion towards themselves. In some ways it has caused me to hide or purposefully not accentuate my natural beauty. Another core of the matter is that I am so sick of getting comments on how I am ‘too skinny’ and should apparently ‘eat more’. I have a naturally petite body shape, there is no unnatural restriction or anything going on behind the scenes here.
Recently, I was reflecting on my relationship to femininity as a whole and realised that I had started to purposely only wear clothing that was not feminine looking and not tight-fitting in the last few years because I was so sick of all of these comments I receive from others. …I still get them, but not as much as before.
The other issue I have with being considered an attractive being is to do with interacting with males:
If I wear feminine, tight fitting or sexually alluring (like clothing that ‘shows a lot of skin’) clothing it is apparently seen as an invitation for male attention. It is very often unwanted attention and comes from people I don’t know and/or who I definitely do not want to attract.
I used to get whistled at in the street, just when I would go shopping or whatever, or just going for a walk near my house. It still happens for sure, but less now. I remember walking with my mum, shopping in town one day when I was about 15 and getting whistled at by some random guys in a car. I found that very embarrassing and awkward!
So again, this brought me to the decision or belief that if I do not wear feminine clothing, I will not get so much attention.
Being looked at by men in this way makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed because it causes strangers to look around and see who is being whistled at (so then I have more people looking at me), or if I am with friends it often begins the unwanted conversation about how I am ‘sooo pretty’ and how they are contrastingly, ‘sooo ugly’. It also makes me feel un-safe. It makes me feel like these men are looking at me like I am an object that they can potentially take advantage of, it gives me an instinctual, almost primitive feeling of being threatened…and that is a very unfortunate, automatic judgement that I seem to have acquired about the overall characteristics of men – that they all have this shallow, and potentially aggressive nature within them – as a result of these unwanted experiences (usually applicable to only the ones that I do not know well, or at all).
I would like to not have such a belief! I would like to not hold this judgement, as of course, not all men are like this. I do know this, rationally, but emotion and instinct takes over within those moments and causes the thought/judgement to crop up and become real.
From both men and women I have also experienced people being very surprised that, after interacting with me properly, they find that I am actually a very intelligent and interesting person, as opposed to ‘just a pretty face’ or ‘a blonde’.
Then comes the disappointment (this I think is limited to the men who are physically attracted to me – initially) that by virtue of me being intelligent, means I do not fit their criteria or their hopes of who or what I am. In most cases, I am referring to the fact that I am a very spiritual being with some ‘craaaazy beliefs’. When they back away after one or two interactions…it is insulting. And rationally speaking, I know this is because of their fear of having to question their current beliefs about reality, people and life itself. And yet…the pain and disappointment that I am suddenly not ‘worthy of their time’ or whatever, begins to flow. (This painful reaction of mine is born from my own core belief that questions my innate self-worth)…
This also comes from having had two romantic relationships where my spirituality and my partners’ lack thereof became a big issue and (from my perspective) was part of the reasoning behind the break-up. However, right now I am talking about peoples’ initial reaction as opposed to trying to accept it and failing after having started a deep, romantic relationship.
So anyway, the point is… it is HARD to be beautiful at times and I hope that one day people are inspired enough, (even if it is by hitting ‘rock bottom’ relative to their thoughts and emotions about their looks, as sometimes this is what it takes) to really NOTICE who you REALLY are. You are NOT your looks and NOR AM I.
A lot of people may read this and be offended, or feel some kind emotionally negative feelings, by the fact that I am calling myself beautiful but THIS is a reflection of the exact problem within society that I am trying to express.
I look in the mirror and I appreciate what I see, and that should be considered an achievement in the midst of being exposed to the current (fashionably speaking) standard of beauty.
It is sad to me that whilst I can do this, I cannot, at times, get over what people see in me once they actually interact with me – that is, a ‘strange’ and ‘crazy’ and ‘no longer worth my time’ kind of person.
It is sad to me that just by seeing me, some women are caused to feel negatively about themselves, and often express this to me as well…
It is sad to me that by being beautiful I am fearful and judgemental of some men.
And all of this does come back to my sense of self worth in some aspects. But within this blog post, I am making a more general comment on society based on my perspective and experiences in life.
There is a line between being humble and not appreciating who you are and I am determined to stay in balance with it….
I will do this by acknowledging the truth of who I am, by noticing who I really am (and I encourage you to do this too).
I am a multidimensional creator. I am powerful, loving, courageous and luminescent.