Squished in My Body

“After so much expansion, I feel like I’m just squished into this noodle shape when I get back in.” – Quote Me
– in a dream (apparently referring to when I return to my body after being out of body during sleep).

What. Hahaha.


Split Consciousness Out of Body Experience

The other night as I was just starting to fall asleep, I saw stars. Not imaginary, dream-like stars, and not ‘seeing stars because you got whacked in the head’, kind of stars, but REAL STARS.

It was like I was literally outside (but hovering up closer to the sky by the looks of it), it was like I was seeing it all with my physical eyes, my normal open-eyed vision. It was epic and weird and crazy.

As I realised and marvelled at it, it sort of disappeared and then I tried to ‘bring it back’ and only managed to gather an imagined image of stars. They just looked like pictures when you day dream, you know…but THEN as I was drifting off to sleep again, it happened again!

It was this beautiful galaxy milky way kind of epic view, like those photos taken in a remote desert somewhere that reveal the whole milky way on clear nights…
But it was like my eyeballs were right there beneath that dark but ever so bright sky…

stars milky way

It was very very similar to this, but darker. Imagine lying on the ground, looking up at this. Except there is no ground, you’re floating in space. Yea. That was it. Just looking at this throws me back into the memory and makes me feel a bit dizzy!

And then, it happened again, but this time it was a single star and it was really fucking bright and really fucking beautiful. Again, it was this weird definitely-different-to-normal-mind-imagery. It was like I was standing (floating?) in front of it using my physical eyeballs to see this miraculous star. It was a little bit too bright as it flickered a couple of times, so I had to ‘blink’ (even though my eyes were shut digitized sky survey siriusthis whole time? This is so hard to describe, what the hell), and in that tiny moment of ‘blinking’ I was worried that this perfect little star that had come to visit me/I went to visit would disappear and I would never experience it’s presence/beauty ever again and it was such a tragic sorrow to think of that…but, after this split second blink and emotional chorus of concern, the star was still there, and it flashed (or rather, flickered, but it was so bright, flickering sounds too soft a word) at me again as if to say, “I’m not going anywhere”, “we are together”.

I keep saying, ‘what the hell etc.’ buuuut I am guessing that this was the result of remaining partially conscious as my normal, physical, third dimensional consciousness was drifting up and away, back to the higher dimensions and to source, (as all of our minds/souls do every night when we sleep).

I have never been out of body but have been thinking about it more and more. I know that I could do it, I am just scared that I will fail and get frustrated (so not trying means I don’t have to feel those feelings I assume will occur), and scared that I will accidentally manifest scary things* when in these other dimensions.

I know that I am on my way to getting out of body though as lately I have found that almost every time I meditate, regardless of what the meditation is about (if it’s a guided one) or my intention with it, I start to get those feelings that come with an increased vibratory rate, that culminate into one leaving one’s body I.e. feeling far away mentally, body starts to go numb and lose sensation, but simultaneously tingling and vibrating sensations begin to arise…All of these are the body/mind/soul preparing to exit the physical realm (though people never leave enough to lose automated and necessary-for-survival functioning like keeping the heart beating and the lungs breathing etc).

Also, about a month ago now, I was meditating and said to my guides, “I would like to better understand the concept of oneness within this meditation, that is my intention in this moment”, and I had what is apparently a well known feeling when astral projection occurs – I felt myself ‘fall’ but, I ‘fell’ into myself…
I half knew what was happening and I got too excited and so I think I brought myself out of it – the mental relaxation required started to go. I did get it to happen again a couple of times though, but not enough to continue with it enough to leave this dimension…I think I got a bit scared as well because I wasn’t 100% sure or prepared. I got excited because I know now that my guides were going to take me out of body to show me an experience on another dimension that would illuminate and increasing my understanding of the concept of oneness. I hope to get this happening again sometime soon.

But, back to this star-event: I am going to say that it was, “A split consciousness out of body experience”. Because I WAS still in my body BUT I was simultaneously seeing what the other part of my consciousness was experiencing.

We are multi dimensional beings after all. Our consciousness is always, simultaneously, in a million different places doing lots of different things, we are just rarely conscious of it.

And in this moment, I was conscious and it was amazing.

meditation digital art

Please leave a comment if you know the artist of this beautiful piece!

*Note: As you move to the ‘higher’ dimensions, the time it takes to for thought to manifest something into your reality-experience is drastically increased, meaning if I start worrying that I might come across scary astral monsters I’ve read about here and there, I will be creating them with my mind and bam! they will be there in about no seconds. I should mention here that what I am saying is the truth – there are no such things as astral monsters unless you create them by virtue of your vibration – I say vibration because yes, you can have a conscious thought about them and then create it and it’s like. “oh okay that’s why that happened” but, you can also have vibrations that are made up of subconscious and hidden concerns or negative beliefs that you aren’t aware of.

So, the way to deal with all this is to make sure you are confident and are in a positive mind frame when you go about astral projection and such things, and know that if you can create them with your mind, you can get rid of them with your mind too. You can also call in your spirit guides who’s simple presence will provide a boost of confidence to you, by just knowing they are there. They may also actively help to make these entities disappear, only if that boost of confidence and increase in sense of security is not enough for you.


I realised just now that I never allow myself to be fearful. I always think that it is not okay, more than that, that I am not really allowed to be fearful. I know I procrastinate the hell out of my life because of displaced fear and energy. I just don’t know what fuck to do with it so I apparently just stifle it down and let it simmer in procrastination with the internet and television shows and 4am.
I am scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeeddddddddddd of sooo much shit.

I am scared to breathe.

Sometimes I feel like the world is a big, endless room where knives are sticking out of the walls and I’m just crammed in the middle with not very much space to walk through without getting sliced. Wow, disturbing image. It’s not as bad as that sounds, I swear.

It’s just like, I feel stifled. I feel like ‘society’ or ‘the machine’ is constantly judging me and putting pressure on me to become a ‘normal’ person. And apparently I disagree with it, but instead of doing what I want to do which is say, “fuck you society!” as I quickly walk down the slice-y hallway, (regardless of the danger of being stabbed by the wall-knives, not caring if I come out with scratches and cuts) and out into the light as my true self like, “huzzah! yes! fuck you, indeed!” , I just sort of sit there adamantly being my true self and so I can think that I’m sort of still being like, ‘yea, fuck you guys! I’m living my life however I want!’ but without moving.  Being ‘real’ but not taking those active steps I very much want to take because I still actually fear the slice-y walls that represent the machine that is society, and am only a tiny bit as brave as I actually want to be. I’m crouching under the knives half-yelling ‘fuck you!’ “yea…take…that…man…” but not actually doing anything.

No seeing the light of reachingyourdreamsdespiteeverythingthat’sagainstyou for me. Just a bit of inner rebelliousness and not much else.

I’m just scaaaaaaaaaaaaredddddd.

And that’s my story, for tonight (or should I say, this morning).


Edit: Reading over this, I realise that I’m not really giving myself credit for the action that I actually do take towards getting out of the hallway of knives. I am openly being myself in this really dense world e.g. I write this blog at the risk of anyone and everyone seeing it, I write it for a good cause – I know it helps others to be the example of someone who is standing up as authentic, someone who is voicing their opinion about the unnaturalness of just allowing ourselves to be okay with being a ‘cog in the machine’…

I talk to animals and trees and crystals and dead people and angels and aliens despite the intense, immense load of bullshit we are fed about how that’s all not real and everything… I survived school, too. God damn. I was thinking about that today. SURVIVING SCHOOL IS EPIC. If you survived any schooling based within the current system MY CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. The education system is just totally screwing our imaginations, individuality, sense of identity…the truth of who we are really… and to come out with even a breath of any of that remaining is truly amazing. YAY, ME! Yay, YOU!

More stuff I should give myself credit for:

I love my cats so dearly I know they appreciate it x 1000.
I always take the effort to understand others’ perspective as much as I can.
I really care about my friends.
I am breathing despite scars on my wrists and wounds in my heart. So, yea…
Screw you, hallway of knives…I’m coming out…even if I’m bleeding, battered and/or crawling on my knees by the time I hit the light!

sun gif

I’m going to go here and flutter through the trees like the sun…


Random thought rant is now in session:

I can’t sleep. It’s 5am. I had a nap at 4pm and woke up at 8pm, oops. Started feeling tired at 12am. Meant to go to bed then but got distracted by ‘one more chapter’ from one of the Doctor Who comics I bought…but then there was another chapter…then another…and so on.
Then there was Peep Show (hilarious British TV show). I can’t just watch one episode. Just can’t. Anyway, when I actually turned off the light it was 3am. Been tossing and turning for two hours. Body is super tired. Feeling kind of sick from eating too many biscuits before bed. That’s probably why I’m so wide awake. Sugar keeps you awake, right? …Just gotta wait for the ‘sugar crash’, right?

In the mean time, I will just…sit…here? God, I hate not being able to sleep.

I’ve noticed that if I watch a lot of Peep Show I end up observing my thoughts in my head and wondering whether my daily narration of my life would make for an entertaining sitcom too (FYI – Peep Show is unique in that the characters’ thoughts are said over top of the action within in each scene, and their running commentary of their mundane but hilarious lives is very entertaining). After much observation, conclusion = probably not. I think about Doctor Who and cats and angels and chocolate way more than any ‘normal’ person ‘should’…hardly relate-able.

I’ve been worrying about this stupid government employment thing I have to go to tomorrow. I DON”T want to go. It’s that feeling of dread that I used to get before going into a maths exam at school (I had ‘maths’ typed with a capital ‘M’ but seriously, I just back spaced it and thought “no, maths, you don’t deserve a capital letter!” – THAT is how much I HATE maths). The ideal thing to do to not experience this stupid thing would be to focus on what I would prefer. So, I’m trying to not focus on the feeling of dread and reasons why it would all be so actually dreadful and instead envision having a relaxing at-home day, in a magical universe where the lady calls up and says, “oh, hey, don’t worry about coming in today, that’s not happening any more.” But it’s not working and instead, I’m clearly just intensifying the dread. When I have something in mind that has the potential of happening that I really really really don’t want to have happen, I get overly conscious of what I’m thinking because I’m like “Thoughts = how you manifest your reality, so, don’t focus on the thing! Don’t focus on the thing! Don’t want to accidentally manifest the thing!” but that resistance to the thing is an epic, delicious meal of  energy for the universe to utilise to bring about that exact thing I’d rather not have happen…so…yea…as I realise this, I still have trouble…so it’s just back to “uuguughhhh” and “hmm this is very unhealthy…not sure what to do…ugghhhhh”!
Also, I’ve been worrying about certain people. Well, not worrying that much actually, just thinking and wondering and coming up with ridiculous scenarios that would probably never happen…as we all do, y’know?
Also, money. Go away money. But don’t go away, never leave my side in fact. But seriously, money, stop screwing me around. You’re so hot and cold. One minute you’re here, the next you’re very, very far away. Why won’t you let me love yoouuu?!

That is the end of this rant. Goodnight/morning, San Diego.
End transmission.

I just searched Google images for “money is a jerk” and it was highly unsuccessful. Turns out that gets you a strange mixture of images including a photo of some kind of meat pie slop and fishing line/hook fake fish…things…(you know, those things that are plastic fake fish that people put at the end of the hook for some reason?…those things). Yea. So. Just thought I’d share that.

To Sleep or Not To Sleep? That is the Question.

all you need is sleep
I am feeling sick with a cold/flu thing. I had a terrible sleep. I shouldn’t go back to sleep now because I will probably sleep too long and be wide awake all night…. Set an alarm, I know, but I always grumpily turn them off in my half-still-asleep mode.

Then again, “All you need is sleep.”

Maybe I will meditate. I have been trying to do this one by Solara An Ra frequently. We (me and my guide) have been doing channelled somatic movement therapy as I do this meditation. That is, moving the body to move energy through the energetic meridians thereby opening up the channels in my DNA genetic helix for Pleiadian energy to come through. It’s a really good meditation for anyone anyway, check it out:


Dreams of the Orca

I dreamt of the Orca last night. A pod of them were at a beach I was at. I wanted to interact with them and I thought they were beautiful and majestic but at the same time, I was terrified of them.

It is said that when Orca comes to you in a dream, meditation or in your physical reality he is acting as a representative for:
the power of the cosmos, leadership, majesty, the ancient, the eternal, the great creative energy that is Source and using it to manifest thought into the physical realm (aka alchemy). Orca asks you to come into alignment with your true calling to do with leadership and the achievement of your spiritual goals.

“When you have the treasured gift of seeing a Killer Whale, it is a sign of great importance, you will be asked to step out of the fears that have been holding you back, in order to embrace your life’s calling and meaningful purpose…”

I wholly resonate with this. It is indeed time.