Open Shadow: The Story of Teal Swan
‘Open Shadow’ is the inspiring story of Teal Swan, a survivor of ritual and sexual abuse who is now an empowered and progressive spiritual luminary. This is the story of Teal’s every day struggles with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the story of a human being whose body remembers what her soul has forgiven. This is the inspirational story of Teal healing others, while still in the process of healing herself.
This film is still in the making – Please support at http://tealfilm.com
“Teal Swan (http://tealswan.com) is a beautiful spiritual teacher and guide who’s work I have been following for some time now. She has helped me to open myself up to the darker shades of myself, illuminating them with loving light and self-compassion. She has influenced my life in many other, countless ways. Whilst being a spiritual teacher, Teal also suffers from the remnant damage (PTSD) from a difficult past, filled with horrific experiences of abuse and inner despair. This documentary shares Teal’s story and about how she has since bloomed into a beautiful guide and soul, and what her message is all about. I strongly urge anyone reading this to consider donating and/or checking out Teal’s stuff. Teal, I love you and I’m so glad your dreams are coming true. You inspire me to be myself in the dark and the light.”
– Rebecca Elizabeth Anne
More About Teal Swan
Teal Swan, known to many as “The Spiritual Catalyst” or “The Giggling Guide,” was born in Santa Fe, New Mexico, on June 16, 1984, with a range of extrasensory abilities including clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, and claircognizance. During her childhood, Teal’s parents who were both wilderness rangers, accepted a job in the Wasatch-Cache National Forest of Utah. They were unaware of the intensely religious climate of the location. Word of Teal’s unusual abilities got out and were not only frowned upon but also feared by many in the local religious community; her abilities attracted the attention of a family acquaintance who inducted her into a local cult, where she was ritualistically and sexually tortured for 13 years. Teal managed to escape from the cult at age 19 and began her process of recovery and transformation. She now travels the world as a spiritual luminary, using her abilities to remind people of the united, energetic nature of this universe and teaching them how to find bliss, despite the most difficult challenges.
I cut my wrists and the top of my knees when I was 19. It was just a tiny bit. I used nail scissors to snip/stab at my skin. It seemed easier/less scary, I guess, than getting a huge knife. I also thought I wouldn’t be able to accidentally kill myself (was not suicidal that night) with just some scissors, so that was good too.
I was living at Campus East which is a big university/college student residence in Wollongong. I was studying at the college attached to the University of Wollongong. But it wasn’t really studying, it was more like, “have to do something this year, okay I’ll do this thing. Wow, this is shit. Okay, time to not really work that hard (*meanwhile hashtag#bipolar troubles).”
I had just come back from a big dinner at a Mexican Restaurant where we did lots of tequila shots. I would say I was somewhere between tipsy and a little bit drunk. I went into my room at the end of the hall. I don’t remember what initially triggered me into crying and the sadness that night. Probably just coming back from a social event and comparing myself to others as per usual at that time in my life, concluding that I was no good to anyone and just a bit of a crap person. So, when you have depression/bipolar that sort of self-talk is enough to trigger you into a full blown emotional crisis…Ended up with all these massive feelings of self hate, loathing and loneliness. They’re swimming under the surface already you see, then just one negative thought can get that spiral up and running really quickly and before you know it you’re hurtling down the slope at full speed, then you’re crashing onto the rocks at the bottom.
Anyway, so I’m back from that social event and sitting at my desk in my room listening to sad music (Jimmy Eat World, I think) and writing/scrawling poetry drunkenly (I used to write A LOT of poetry, the more depressed I am, the more poetry I create, which is a bit crap now because I am a damn good poet, but I’m happy (most of the time) now so it disappeared!) with my head leaning on the desk.
And, I don’t know. I just get the scissors. Apparently it was a good idea. And I’m just sitting there thinking I’m not worth shit and maybe I should just die, but I’m too scared to do anything that drastic, so I just sit here and ‘be lame and only cut’ instead. Like, shaming myself for ‘not having the guts’ to kill myself. Haha, now I’m like, “Wow, so glad I did indeed, not ‘have the guts’.” But yea. So I did that. By this stage I was feeling very emotionally numb. I wasn’t crying and sobbing any more. I was just feeling very out of it, distanced, kind of just ….. dot dot dot #silence, sort of feeling.
Then I did something really desperate, which I try really hard not to shame myself for now. It was a terrible prison and I was reaching out, and, I was drunk…
I went out to the living area where the guy I was seeing (who happened to be one of my roommates) was sitting, watching TV.
My wrists and top of my thighs were bleeding. Not heaps, as I said, just snips with the scissors, but enough to take awhile for the blood to stop. Probably about 3-5 little cuts on each limb. I was wearing a short, summer dress, by the way. Yea, so I drunkenly walked out like that and sat down next to him and pretended like there was nothing weird happening. I was just like, “Hey, how are you? What are you up to?” and leant my head on his shoulder.
At first he didn’t notice because we were sitting side by side and he was looking at the TV, he was like, “Oh hey, how was your thing? Wha- …Becc…? What? Oh my god, what the fuck?” And I was just nonchalantly like, “Oh, yea…” And he grabbed me and his eyes were filled with tears and was like, “Wha? Why did you do this?” and started leading me down the hall back to my room, I was just like, drunk and actually pretty emotionally numb at that stage so just didn’t answer and walked with him.
We sat in my room, on the end of my bed, with tissues and he handed them to me and was like, “clean it up and tell me what happened” and I used the tissues and dabbed at my wrists a bit, but not really. Then I noticed I was getting blood on the sheets from my leg cuts, I sort of glanced at it like, “oh…” and he was like, “sit on the edge more” and started dabbing my knees more as I moved forward to the end of the bed.
I don’t really remember what happened after that. I think I just started crying for an hour then fell asleep together in my bed.
The next day he left in the morning for Uni, kissed me goodbye as I sleepy-eyed, watched him starting to get up. He said, “Don’t…don’t do that again” and left.
Later in the day, I was lying in bed listening to music after not really getting up all day, he came back from Uni and sat down on the desk chair opposite me. He said, “I don’t think we should keep…doing what we’re doing any more…after last night…I don’t want to make things worse. I feel like you’re too attached and it will be really hard for you when I leave.” He was, of course, referring to the fact that he was a Swedish student on exchange for only 6 months or a year (I can’t remember which) and would be leaving in a couple of months. He seemed to think that was the reason that I was cutting.
I started crying and wearily explained that no, no that was not why I was so sad, and that I wanted him to stay with me because he made me happy and we had fun together, and I clearly needed happy and fun…and whilst I knew it would be hard, I needed the joy he brings me now and reiterated how he was definitely not responsible for these dramatic feelings. I explained how I had been feeling horrible for ages and last night was the culmination of it all…He was hesitant as he listened, but believed me and changed his mind about it.
Later in the day, my best friend on Campus came up to see me. She said that S (Swedish ‘boyfriend-of-sorts’) had gone to see her and told her what happened. She said he was really freaked out and felt like he should tell her. She was really ‘meh’ about it. She said, “So, was it just cause you’re sad or?” I replied, “Yea…it’s just been…really…hard…” and she was like, “Oh okay.” Don’t remember what happened after that very well. But I know that was the end of the discussion and she was not very sympathetic or empathetic or anything at all really. At that point I just wanted her to leave and go away because that just made me want to cry again. Really poor form, as far as ‘friends’ go.
Anyway, so yea, that’s how that all happened for me. I didn’t do it again. I have on occasion, thought about doing it since then. But only once or twice since going on medication (later that year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Type 2) and Generalised Anxiety Disorder). Even when I did think about it, it was just like, a really quick thought, then me pushing it away instantly, thinking more clearly than when one is in a deeper, more out of control, depressive state, thanks to medication.
So, regarding Teal’s video.
I definitely relate to everything she has said about the reasons why. For me, it was ‘*demonstrative’ cutting. And it did only happen the once, so it doesn’t so much apply to me any more, and the addiction part doesn’t apply much either but – the feelings associated with cutting and the reasons why one feels compelled to self harm, they were a very real experience for me at that time.
I definitely did feel trapped. I felt stuck in my brain that just hated me. I remember walking around in the supermarket, dry eyed, but actually crying in my head (it was really weird), not knowing why (that’s depression for you).
Regarding what Teal says about the role childhood experiences have in the feelings associated with cutting, I’m not sure which childhood experiences would have attributed…perhaps the vague memories I have of being told to stop crying at various points which equals being emotionally rejected.
I definitely know that I felt disapproval from others, like something was inherently wrong with me.
“When you are seen by others in this light (whether it’s during childhood or older) you then learn to see yourself in that light. Ask: who should have loved you?”
The only answer I have to that at this stage is my mum the couple of times she told me to stop crying. It is her in those few memories that I remember clearly.
At the time of the cutting, I definitely wanted to “sedate emotion then gain control by exerting that control over the emotion” as Teal states.
*Demonstrative = “Demonstrative cutters are looking for some way to feel a sensation of relief instead of a sensation of control (which is what secretive, ritualistic cutters tend to be after), but looking for that sedation feeling to come through other people”.
“Society shames them, saying they just want attention, so they can’t admit to anyone or even themselves that what they want is for someone to notice.”
They want someone to save them from the hell they’re living in. Unfortunately people shame and reject the cutter instead of helping.
One can find it is too shameful to admit that you want help, that you just wanted someone to recognise the pain you’re in.
A deeper look at cutting = cutting is done to avoid and escape the way we feel.
We need to use the energy behind this compulsion, this urge to help us to integrate the emotion/s we’re avoiding.
These are rooted deeply in childhood trauma
…For me, I still can’t admit to any childhood trauma I experienced/may have experienced.
I feel like nothing I experienced was ‘big enough’ to call it trauma. But, the evidence is clearly there.
I find myself looking away and half-purposely zoning out as Teal says her kind message to those who are cutters (which, even though I don’t cut now, still applies to me) at the end of the video. I suppose I don’t feel ‘worthy enough’ to hear what she is saying, to be spoken to in that kind way. I don’t feel like I’m deserving of being addressed like that… Which further proves the point, I suppose – childhood trauma remains.
I know I need to integrate my childhood self/ves and do more emotional shadow work but I just can’t seem to do it. I have been thinking about this for so long. I have such a hard time getting myself to do shadow work. I want to do it, because I know it will benefit me, yet I just. don’t. What the hell, me?! Why am I putting it off even though it would help?!
This is the one thing I would ask Teal for help with if I get chosen to go on stage at her Sydney workshop.
This rut is very stuck and very deep.
I am alright now, if you’re wondering. I’m more than alright. But, it’s important to know that we are all not alright sometimes, and that is alright too.
Very soon after the aforementioned cutting experience, I went to The Black Dog Institute and was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Type 2) and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I got on medication, too.
This whole experience was the start of my spiritual experience.
My known identity (as a depressed, pretty useless poet) was swept away with the sadness once I began to heal. I found I had to get to know myself, find myself, for the very first time.
When the layers of depression and emotional distress began to dissolve, I didn’t recognise myself any more. That sense of confusion and identity inspired me to look into myself, which inspired me to look into spirituality and philosophy, which eventually resulted in who I am today.
I would not change my experience for any thing. I am so grateful to have ‘hit rock bottom’, so I could rise up once again, out of the darkness, so that I could bloom into the sun. And, I’m still blooming. And I’ll never stop.
It’s always darkest before the dawn : )
I put that in caps because when I think of Mercury Retrograde I start yelling at it in my head a bit. I know that some people think that a lot of this kind of thing can be a self fulfilling prophecy or placebo – in that, say you know it’s coming up, you might start to worry and trick yourself into getting confused and blame all miscommunication and tech breakdowns (these being some of the effects of Mercury Retrograde) on the astrological weather…but I seriously didn’t know it was happening until it had already started.
My life has ‘coincidentally’ difficult since then.
Shit really got real when the massive solar flares were occurring at the same as the full moon (<– click for info about how the full moon can shake things up) on Friday the 13th (and just before), aaand I also got my period on that day (which is interesting because it has been a bit out of sync recently, obviously so it could conveniently arrive and stir shit up on this Friday the 13th, a day when the divine feminine rises). That was about when the trouble with the ex-boyfriend and a recent friend really hit it’s climax. I was a total mess.
Note: I have always been really affected by solar flare activity (or rather, the coronal mass ejections that hit the Earth’s electromagnetic field as a result of c and x class flares (usually).
Here’s a really good article on that, for interests’ sake:
I tend to get the lovely side effects of: dizziness, headaches, sometimes nausea and ‘brain fog’.
It was this same time last year that I broke up with my (now ex) boyfriend. This year, I have been having major difficulties with our current (platonic) relationship, ‘coincidentally’ at this exact same time.
I have found that the vibrations surrounding this relationship have been so repetitive. The same just general life circumstances are always occurring at the same time that I have problems with this guy. It’s been that way since we broke up. I just find it very interesting to note how clearly the universe is saying to me, “THIS VIBRATION/SITUATION IS CLEARLY CYCLIC, YOU NEED TO SORT THIS”, by offering all these signs that indicate we are stuck in the exact same pattern/s.
But anyway, it has finally been ‘sorted’…Or…just, has moved into a better space. It’s all alright, for now.
I like to remember what Teal Swan said in her (below) video, and the diagram she uses as a reminder that energy moves in a circular pattern and you can therefore never go backwards. Things may repeat but you are always moving outwards, always expanding with and out of the spiral.
Watch this video if that intrigues you. It really, really helped me:
Here are some links about Mercury Retrograde that I found helpful as well:
Apparently there is another one coming up in October. This should be interesting.
If you read those articles above, or watched the video, you will know that Mercury Retrograde absolutely wreaks havoc on communication and technology, and also has a habit of somehow (not sure of the details of this one) making you late for things, caused by things just being delayed in your day to day life e.g. getting stuck in traffic on your way to an appointment.
I must say that I have found this to be so true. My communication skills have been a mess. I see this reflected in my recent conversations with people, I can’t seem to think of the right way to put things, everything that comes out of my mouth is sort of jumbled. It’s also the reason why all this relationship stuff with my ex-boyfriend has been extra difficult. It’s normal for this ‘old stuff that needs to be sorted’ kind of stuff to come up during the retrograde, but the effect of miscommunication really, really does not help. I end up just being like, “I don’t even know anymore….arrghhhhhh fsahjofhsafpa!”
It is also probably, partially contributing to my not very in depth, just kind of ranting, blog entries. I can’t communicate what I’m trying to say. It took me about ten thousand years to explain that metaphor about knives and hallways in my previous blog entry. I just saw/felt the image. I should have just drawn a picture (not that I can draw, really. Maybe that wouldn’t have helped either).
Technology has been giving me a little bit of grief, too. My internet connection keeps stuffing up. I really remember this occurring last year as well. I was trying to download comics yesterday and it was being so annoying, I got so damn frustrated. The internet…my enemy, yet my best friend.
In conclusion, OH MY:
I had a dream about ‘ascended masters’ last night. All I know about it is that I woke up with that phrase in my head. Then I noticed just now that I have 333 Facebook friends at the moment.
(The idea with spirituality and numbers is: noticing numbers and number sequences are a message from your angels, spirit guides and/or higher beings. Each number holds unique characteristics within it’s energy. Seeing 3 of any number is an expression of it’s energy surrounding you but it is tripled, quadrupled if you see 4 and so on and so on.)
Information on 3 and 333:
From Doreen Virtue: http://spiritlibrary.com/doreen-virtue/number-sequences-from-the-angels
“333 – The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love, and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin, and Yogananda.”
I am receiving the intuition that these characteristics mentioned in this article are the ones relevant to me:
“The number 3 relates to encouragement, assistance, communication, growth, expansion, the principles of increase, expression, openness, broadminded thinking, faith, hope and charity, freedom-seeking, brave, brilliant, an open-channel, free-form, rhythm, surprise, intelligence, self-expression, imagination and manifesting your desires.”
The ultimate message I am receiving is:
There are 3 ascended masters now transferring the energy of new ideas and openness to me. The things I should focus more on are hope and faith. I am to have faith in myself and the universe as I create it around me… I am to hold faith that I am brilliant and brave…and know that I am imaginative and assisted.
I encourage anyone who finds this entry interesting to have a look at Numerology, Astrology and “Angel Numbers” and their intertwining relationships.
“I Trust myself to Create” – Teal Swan Vibrational Artwork:
“The vibration of trusting/having confidence in your ability to create enjoyable experiences for yourself and what is in line with your highest good. A very good frequency for anyone who is stuck in victim mentality or who does not trust themselves or other people.”
You can view more of Teal’s artwork, download images and check out prints and products at:
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…
My Notes on Spirituality 2.0 by Teal Swan
Spirituality ‘101’ is: To move towards positive feeling emotion because it = empowerment, helps you to understand that you can create your reality. It is external movement towards what you want.
Spirituality ‘2.0’ is: Quit going anywhere. Sink into your pain…move beyond wanting AFTER getting that sense of empowerment.
Wanting is moving away from yourself or something, or feeling etc.
Wanting is designed to get you away from something you don’t want to feel.
Wanting is a movement that propagates suffering = GRASPING.
Note that you can’t cause someone to not want what they want – teach people to get what they want first – not that they shouldn’t want and going about teaching them how to not want.
Beyond wanting = beyond self abandonment.
Walk into the eye of the storm instead of walking away via wanting – you will find you become undone – you become what you really are…then there’s nothing to suffer from. Suffering is caused by the resistance to the thing you’re avoiding or experiencing etc. It is not caused by the thing itself.
101 = Allow yourself to go in the direction of joy.
2.0 = Allow self to feel – go into the pain.
101 = Change thoughts to change your life = empowerment.
2.0 = Don’t change one thing b/c that attempt to change says “This is not okay. It is not okay to be how I am, or feel how I feel.”
A note on crying = When you’re in alignment with the truth of this universe, crying is a natural release b/c if there is anything in you that is not in that high vibration of the universe, it needs to leave, and it does so in the form of tears. And/or the other form of crying = appreciation, unconditional love…the overwhelming depth of this universe and all of our beauty…I think when you feel that, being in human form is suffocating and tears are literally you spilling out of yourself, for me, anyway.
We don’t come into life naturally resisting anything. E.g. Negative emotions/experiences. We’re educated into it via socialisation.
101/2.0 is the expansion of the universe (/you), the extension and then the inversion, back to oneness, back to you.
Any time you’re trying to feel better, you’re abandoning yourself. Go into the storm instead (if you can, if you’re ready for it – for 2.0). Trying to make yourself feel better is fracturing you. You’re abandoning that piece of yourself. It is here we often say, “I’m only going to be with myself when I feel good”.
2.0 = Wholeness, oneness with the self – Be with self anyway, even when you don’t feel good – don’t bail. You wouldn’t do that to a friend, don’t do it to yourself.
Give yourself what you need. Quit trying to feel good just so people will love you.
All we want is to have someone be present with us, anything other than that invalidates our feelings.
Being present regardless of the emotions…of the conditions…of anything and everything… = unconditional love.
Being with self, with no conditions = being present = being in the now (I.e. being the now.)
The now is an automatic by product of being with yourself, not something you seek. You can only be in the now by being, not doing (I.e. reaching for it, aiming for it, trying to place your finger on ‘the now’).
Everyone has PTSD ha, so true.
It (PTSD) is the suppression of something (a feeling created by an experience) you ran from – something you didn’t allow to integrate.
I think 2.0 is just a different method of healing…or, it is healing in it’s real and pure form, rather. It is healing via acceptance instead of action (wanting –> changing).
Just being = no more suffering b/c of no more resistance to the self and whatever your life is, and whoever you are in the now.
I am definitely a catalyst!
There are those of us who have incarnated here on Earth, who carry a certain frequency. This frequency has such strength that it generates a response within those who are exposed to it that brings about a shift of awareness and thus a large change. Some aren’t ready for this change, some aren’t ready for this awareness of themselves and so they close off, resort to child-like behaviour or even go on the offensive and get outwardly destructive. And some, who are ready, flock to this vibration like a moth to a flame knowing, on a molecular level and deeper, that exposure to this sort of frequency will mean the shedding of the old and the experience of new.
There are many names for this vibration and those who carry it. The most apt, I’ve heard is the ‘Catalyst’ energy. This Catalyst energy is a vibration which I…
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The word ‘starseed’ has been associated with people who have had previous incarnations somewhere other than Earth. However, by that definition every one of us is a starseed because we have all had thousands of previous lives, more than one of them almost certainly to have occurred beyond this Earth. This term has caused some confusion. A more accurate understanding of the word ‘starseed’ and what it is ‘supposed’ to mean is: A starseed is someone who has an extra-terrestrial consciousness whilst living here on Earth.
Ways in which starseeds become incarnated here is what I am going to talk about – though there are probably more ways that these extra-terrestrial beings come to incarnate here than I have written about, these are the ones that I know of:
A soul braid is when there is a human being’s and extra terrestrial’s consciousness sharing the same mind and body. Some people hold one human consciousness, and one extra-terrestrial consciousness, however, it can also be the case that a person may hold multiple soul consciousness’ (human and/or extra-terrestrial), sharing the same mind and body.
A soul fork is an extra terrestrial being that has projected itself into a human body. The human consciousness is an extension of the extra-terrestrial, a manifestation that they have projected forth into this Earth reality. They are now an extra-terrestrial being that lives on planet Earth in the body of a human. When a soul fork dies, they will go back into their E.T. consciousness as opposed to ‘dying properly’ (for lack of a better term) I.e. when your consciousness is returned to source, becoming one with the all that is once again.
Additionally, the same goes for the E.T. part of the soul braid, whereas the human part of that braid will return to source.
A walk in is where two individual souls have agreed to switch places. The soul that has taken its place will serve in a different capacity than before. The new spirit and the ‘old’ spirit have already agreed to make this transfer on a higher level, or before the incarnation on Earth. This is not possession. Permission has already been granted in order for this to take place. A walk in can be an extra terrestrial’s consciousness or another human consciousness.
Source: I first learned this information via an interview or two and a workshop that Teal Scott has done. Teal herself is a Soul Fork – she is an extra-terrestrial consciousness from Arcturus.
In this interview, Teal speaks about starseeds, soul forks, soul braids and walk ins.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6HOkVGAV8M (at about 33:45 is when Teal begins to speak on these topics).
My Experience: How I Discovered I am a Soul Fork (Pleiadian)
Awhile ago I watched a workshop held by Teal Scott where a man who was on stage asking questions, was told that he was a soul braid by Teal. I had a very strong emotional reaction. Suddenly my life seemed to make so much sense, all the pain I went through and all the wisdom I have now, and the way that I just absorb knowledge and the way that I want to ‘help the world’ (it is the only thing I want to do, my passion is helping others in any way that I can).
Previous to this, I had done an automatic writing/channelling session where I spoke to my principle guide (who is a Pleiadian) (discovered this when I did a meditation to connect with my guide and got that intuition) who told me about how ‘I am a star’ and ‘we are sisters’ AKA she meant, ‘star sisters’ (as opposed to actual sisters (I have also, after a meditation gotten the phrase ‘you are a star’ in my head a number of times), I think it was just her trying to tell me I am also Pleiadian). She explained that that is why I felt like she is an aspect of me (when I first connected with her it was strange, I felt like I was talking to me…but not). She told me we share a mission and that ‘when we are done I will take you home and you will recall who you are and were and who you know yourself to truly be.’
So I’ve been walking around thinking I’m a Pleiadian/Human braid but then the other day I just finally had it confirmed that I am actually a Pleiadian soul fork (and that I am a member of the Intergalactic Federation of Light – hence my feeling of “I need to help save the world!”) which makes even MORE sense when I reflect upon my life. I have always had this sense of ‘I’m on a mission to save the world’ since I was like, 12. Also, have looked up at the stars since a very young age thinking, ‘that is home’ and got a sense of home sickness (and of course I just wrote it off as nothing) and because I remember when I was about 10 looking at my arm and my body and thinking it was “The WEIRDEST THING EVER! My body is so weird!”
Now I know I am meant to be a teacher which is why I have constantly changed career paths and passions.. I have always been aware of my ‘mission’ and that is ‘to help’. I have known this since a very young age. I didn’t know how I would, but I knew I had to, the earliest and the purest, most absolute goal I had (and still have).
I have realised within the last few days that I know so many things that others don’t, information that I thought was totally normal and very very obvious… I know what benefits people and what doesn’t, I know who is honest and who is not, I know A LOT about metaphysics and I know how to get through the darkest days of your life. And now I know, I went through hell so I can HELP, and really, truly, achieve this goal of saving the god damn world!
“Do aliens exist?” “Are they on our planet right now?”
There has been many a time when, in an argument, all I want is to be understood…as soon as that happens, the pain fades and there is room for forgiveness and clarity that allows for resolution. I see this in other’s as well and it astounds me that many times, these same people do not see this simple truth!
We all want to be understood, just that alleviates the pain so much.
I just read a blog by one of my favourite spiritual teachers, Teal Scott (AKA The Spiritual Catalyst). It was all about having the courage to stay true in the public eye, and not reacting to slander. It applies to our day to day lives as well. My experience in my life is one example.
Though there wasn’t/isn’t much drama, I still had my qualms about ‘coming out’ as an extremely spiritual individual. I know a lot of my old ‘friends’ (I don’t actually know if we are friends any more or not in their eyes, meh) think that I have lost my mind. My mum and brother are very uncomfortable with who I am because they are both Christians. I used to be a Christian until about Year 11 (age 16) when I left my old, very small Christian school and went to a large Anglican school. I was there for the duration of the HSC, so years 11 and 12. Though it was an Anglican school, most of the people in my grade were not Christians, just people at a Christian school. Because I was not encompassed by a circle of close, Christian friends in a Christian orientated environment, I…I am not even sure what happened, I’m trying to think of how to put it…Did I purposely release myself of Christianity? Did it just fade away? I’m not being philosophical here, I just can’t remember haha! I suspect that must mean it faded away…Anyway!
After high school I just sort of chilled out and worked for awhile before moving to Wollongong to live with a friend, and eventually started going to a College that was part of the University. It was there that I made friends with a very passionate Athiest, whom we shall call T.
T and I became really good friends and almost started dating. In amongst that, we were constantly having debates and discussions about the nature of the universe and ‘god’ etc. I wasn’t Christian at this stage but I believed in something, a god, I think, but not the Christian concept of who god is.
Eventually he had be convinced that there was nothing, that we live and die…y’know? …For about a day. But then I realised the nagging feeling of ‘there must be something more!’ meant that there WAS/IS something more/I should at least keep searching. He didn’t get that, oh well. We were still awesome friends for awhile.
So I kept searching and thought about it on and off.
Then I went to TAFE to study Animal Studies Ceritificate II where I found a book on Spiritual Animal Communication in the library. I got so excited and then from there read everything I could on the subject, mostly over the net, then started teaching myself to do it. And I found that when you start reading about these intuitive abilities, you get connected to deeper spiritual ideals just by being on that path. So I ended up devouring like, every spiritual book in the library and probably half the ‘spiritual section’ of the internet.
Then I found running themes (that already resonated with me, I ‘just knew’) within many spiritual ideals – I found that all of the ‘new age’ and ancient beliefs are fundamentally connected by these foundational truths (and probably more I can’t recall):
the universe is interconnected
consciousness IS the universe
energy and vibration are the basis of the creative universe
what you give to the world, you will receive from the world (the ‘Law of Attraction’ – not karma!) There is no masculine god figure that dictates our lives, only we can control our lives
There is only ‘now’
We are creative, divine and eternal beings
Discovering these things allowed me to discover myself (more than I already had) and learn what my higher purpose is in this life – just to help, help all beings, in any way that I can (which is why my list of services are so broad). I always knew that I wanted to ‘help the world’, ever since I was young(er) but now, I know HOW and know the WHY which enhances the passion and inspiration I already felt. And NOW, Here I Am. There I am. I am who I truly am.
People think I am crazy, I have lost the plot, I am in some kind of cult mind programming, I am gullible and/or think my ‘powers’ come from ‘the devil’.
BUT I have fortitude (my guides have told me this phrase several times when I have been feeling low).
I don’t respond to people who are ‘just asking questions’ but who obviously want to start a debate/convince me of their truths. If people want the information I hold, or advice from my perspective, I will happily share. I want to share but only when I think it would be helpful to others. I won’t encourage others’ insecurity about themselves and their beliefs by allowing them to attempt to ‘disprove’ mine. I see no benefit in battling with others at all, especially when I have already battled myself (and the conditioning I was brought up in I.e. Christianity). I think people see this as a sign of idiocy, like I should constantly be challenging my truths. Not that I don’t think it’s beneficial to do so if you feel inspired, but only if you feel inspired. But it should never be because other people are scared they are wrong about their own beliefs, and so convince you to engage with them.
I think what the majority of people who try to start a debate with me are really dealing with is fear. They want to know that what they believe is for sure and certain. But no one can give you certainty but yourself because everyone will always have a different opinion, because everyone has lived different lives and gone through different experiences that have shaped who they are and how they view the world. There is no objective reality, there is only the one you create for yourself.
Knowing who you are and staying true to yourself is a beautiful thing to do, as opposed to than doing anything but.